my story
living in the shadows
I never felt I was in step with everyone else. I felt more like an outsider; an observer of life and never a player. Dreams and goals seemed to be for other people, they couldn’t be my story. The ability to peel back the layers and facades people use became a significant part of my world. And as for someone’s words and behaviours…what was really going on in their lives that brought them to this point? i knew what I was thinking but remained silent.
trying to find my voice
I continued to live what I called my half-life. Paradoxically, after having my children I studied education and got my Bachelor and Masters degrees. How do you connect with teenage students when you have trouble finding your voice? Again, I would look beyond the words and actions to find out what was really going on for my students. Yes, I worked with the curriculum but more importantly, I connected with them as people. I often worked tirelessly in finding ways to make learning accessible to them and to help them gain confidence, take risks and become critical thinkers. In essence, I was helping them find their voices and the fact that I hadn’t found my own wasn’t lost on me.
out of the shadows
This journey became the catalyst for me and it came unexpectedly in weekly therapy where I fought hard against the urge to flee from having to write a brief autobiography. Avoidance was a familiar companion. I decided to do it on my own terms which was also something foreign to me. It was a poem titled, The Shroud. I can’t say for certain what exactly happened but from that moment there was an insatiable energy and clarity in me. My art and poetry became my voice. They would be my channels of examination and communication.
and what now?
Through them, I will continue to look beyond the outer layers, to acknowledge the strength of the everyday stugglers, to ponder the influence of yesterdays, and to celebrate the nuances of momentary gems. I continue to be introspective and an observer but the shadows do not offer refuge anymore. I can no longer remain silent. While my spoken words can be difficult to understand, I guess that just means people will need to listen more carefully. Listening to someone and hearing what they’re saying, doesn’t only involve audible sound. If we really hear what’s being communicated, it is our soul and spirit that connects. My art and poetry are my conduits. How awesome is that!
walk gently…
